@brian_bilston: Here’s a poem in the shape of a Christmas tree. It’s called ‘Needles’.
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@BCMontgo: [first date] Him: See? Juggling on a unicycle is easy. Her: You've lost a lot of blood. Him: I'm fine. Throw in another chainsaw. Her: While you're just laying there?
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card