@Tommytoughstuff: Here's another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]
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@DevilryFun: Before marriage: fantasizes spending life together. After marriage: fantasizes spending life insurance alone.
@T_N_Crumpets: [Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys