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@AP_Kingsnorth: Here's how I gained 27Ibs of muscle in 5 weeks:
home alarm- anniversary
@lecalabara: Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.
@iGreenMonk: Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes.
@WorkingMom86: I would never let MY child act like that.
-things my friends without kids say.
@thetigersez: Aww, you "only wish the best for your exes?" That's cool, I lie about things too.