@sammyrhodes: Here’s the thing about the paleo diet. If cavemen could have eaten donuts they would have.
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@INDlAN_: [phone call with ex] Me: you want to hang out tonight? Ex: sure. When & where? Me: no, we’re not going. It’s enough just to know you would.
@geowizzacist: Star Wars VII: the force awakens Star Wars VIII: the force goes out to play Star Wars IX: goodnight force
@rachelle_mandik: most german shepherds don't know much german at all and are relieved when you try english
@SaltyCorpse: I'm gonna start writing all my tweets in cursive so my kids can't read them when I'm dead.