@lisaxy424: "Hermit crab" describes me twice.
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@Reverend_Scott: COPS: COME OUT OF THE HOUSE "I'LL NEVER COME OUT" COPS: WE WERE TALKING TO YOUR DOG. WE WANT TO PET HIM
@joelu72: [writing my first autopsy report] There was a slight mix-up initially but it turns out the guy died from an accidental autopsy
@goldengateblond: Seriously, if you hacked Trump’s account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET.
@KrunkedRobot: Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.