@wickedimproper: He's 52, from now on let's just call him John Depp.
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@johnlevenstein: My goal when I go to a friend's house for dinner is to befriend the dog to the point its loyalty is tested.
@therealeatwood: ARTEMIS: No man shall boast he has seen Artemis bathe! *turns Actæon into a stag* [Artemis nudes go viral, 2.2M viewers turn into stags]
@noneofyours99: That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.
@Vodkantots: If he doesn't return your texts, it's because he's busy leaving his wife for you. Obviously.