@OVLH: "He's more scared of you than you are of him" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
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@thepatrickwalsh: Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."
@Robert_Beau: The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them.
@joeldanger: Sending an insult with a typo is like laughing at someone for tripping and falling and then tripping and falling right front of them.
@thenatewolf: *a man runs into the bar* "HELP HELP, IS ANYONE HERE COUSINS WITH BON JOVI?" *my date looks at me, I do nothing, my lies are now exposed*