@OVLH: "He's more scared of you than you are of him" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me
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@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
@carlyken: [February 12] Henry VIII: jeez walmart is out of cards, flowers and chocolate. She's going to kill me! Unless... [February 13] beheads wife
@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."