@EmrgencyKittens: he's so proud of his haul.
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@OfficeofSteve: They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot
@Duke1173: You're telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee... They don't put any booze in it or nothin?
@loribuckmajor: Husband said our electricity bills are too high need to cut back so I asked him to move.
@EndhooS: Wife "WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again...