@NikiWithIssues: He's taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend.
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@noduffers: Is there anything less intimidating than a cop on a bicycle? Wobble on, agent of justice, wobble on.
@Rollmaninoz: Coworker: you play any sports Me: yeah but I've had to take a break from it CW: oh..Injury? Me: *thinks about broken controller* yeah..kinda
@truegritrumble: ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*