@TheRealRHB: Hey Alaska wilderness show person who is about to freeze to death with no hope in sight, maybe just cuddle up with the crew filming you...
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@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
@QwertyJones3: [First date] HER: I want a man who is intensely passionate when he sees something he wants ME: PASS THE FREAKING SALT
@13spencer: I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.
@justabloodygame: *appears in puff of smoke at a public pool* "Warning, what you're about to see may shock you!" Hey! What are y- *touches live wire to water*