@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
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@thejacquio: Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work.
@AristotlesNZ: Undressing with the curtains open is my little way of giving back to the old ladies in our neighborhood watch.
@junejuly12: He always wanted a surprise gift wrapped up in a big red bow. *carefully arranges shiny red ribbon around a wriggling porcupine*