@zacharyflynn: Hey babe i wanted to marry you but i had to ask your dad first and he said yes so i guess i'm marrying your dad
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@LurkAtHomeMom: 4: How do you spell no? Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound? 4: Batman? (Spelling is hard)
@phaggots: [texting my girlfriend] wyd? "Just finished my homework" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *gets all four daughters dressed* Wife: I want everyone in Christmas dresses. Me: But- Wife: Everyone. Me: Fine. *puts on my dress*