@LOsepyan: Hey baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?-How to pick up Satan
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@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" wtf "woah wait its back on again" no way "great he's stole my nose now" im phoning the police
@ComedicBust: My girlfriend's furious that I bought her The Golden Girls box set for her birthday, but I knew she'd get over it since she's not real.
@fro_vo: *Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on