@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@KayRants: Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I'm reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy?" "Yes?" "What are you doing?" "Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."
@LynneMcCarthy: Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest