@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gorrdano: I'm throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift.
@DulciePlaid: When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
@ValeeGrrl: [my kids walk in on me being murdered] ME: call 911 KIDS: ok but then will you get us a snack?