@Matt_The_1st: I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan

@Vodkantots: My neighbor with the Confederate flag is harmless after all. He just drove off in the cutest little ghost costume.

@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice

@MissItAintMe: I can actually decide what is inspirational on my own. But thanks for the warning

@jake_lach: I don't punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people