@jesse_street: Hey Billy Joel it's called a pianist.
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@senorwinces: Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.
@david8hughes: [first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?
@ProdigyNelson: Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man