@pixelatedboat: "Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world
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@markleggett: My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better.
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@vulcan_kelly: My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?