@pixelatedboat: "Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world
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@KarenKilgariff: A dog barks in the distance. I look over at my own dogs. “See how annoying that is?”
@slimmy_shady: Hey Pringles, It's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed. Thank you!
@OrangeFact: [Date] ME: I hope you like your wine dry HER: But of cour- umm that's just a glass of raisins ME: *mouth full of raisins* it's weally dwy