@Cpin42: HEY CALEB- YOUR COW IS INFERTILE AND YOUR SISTER LIKES DANCING.
-Amish trash talk
@notacroc: [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti]
ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti
@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light?
*hand him a flashlight*
Dude: I mean for my cigarette.
Me: Yeah, he can use it.
@cervixsmash: Psychiatrist cannibal by day, pop star singing sensation by night
@Douchekevin: My four year old planted 25¢ in the garden and said a money tree is going grow there.
I laughed- but water it at night just in case
@titletown__: I dated a woman once.
Most confusing twenty minutes of my life.