@Cpin42: HEY CALEB- YOUR COW IS INFERTILE AND YOUR SISTER LIKES DANCING.
-Amish trash talk
@TheMichaelRock: Why are people pissed off that Justin Bieber smoked some weed? It's not like he released another album or anything.
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses.
Me: I have contacts.
Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: It's not fair. Boys can have beards but girls can’t.
Me: Well, girls can have babies and boys can’t.
4: Want to trade?
@ventivodkacran: "I am as misquoted as Marilyn Monroe."
- Abe Lincoln
@supertweetjen: The guy two cubes down wears vests, curls his mustache, and never says a word. I always smile politely because maybe he'll spare my life.