@Cpin42: HEY CALEB- YOUR COW IS INFERTILE AND YOUR SISTER LIKES DANCING.
-Amish trash talk
@radtoria: Cute guy: Can I pet your dog?
Me: (several blocks later) I have soft hair too. :(
@WritePlay: MAN: I'll get pasta & she'll have the salad
COW: What's that mean?
COW: I'm fat?
MAN: ... You're a cow?
PIG AT NEXT TABLE: Ooo
@Eightinchgoat: Sorry I tried to strengthen my immune system by asking your wife to breast feed me.
@RawspberryJamb: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours"
- Inventors of boomerangs
@KindOfASmartass: I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics!
Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.