@McNevich: Hey can I call you back in like 6 weeks?
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@purplefuzzygirl: I don't get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There's never any left when he comes home. Idiot.
@fro_vo: [wedding reception] BEST MAN: *making a toast* please raise your glasses CLARK KENT: oh no
@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.