@ChaseMit: Hey Chandler, wanna hang out with me, Phoebe and Monica later? We're going to the park to open and close umbrellas in a fountain.
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@TheToddWilliams: [restaurant] ME: Excuse me, this alphabet soup tastes funny WAITER: Well it is Comic Sans
@InternetHippo: The dinosaurs didnt “rule the earth” they were just alive stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly didnt have
@PanicRestroom: I wonder if the username "That Cab" is free, cause a lot of people would want to follow "That Cab"
@squirrel74wkgn: Cashier: Such a GREAT day...how's your weekend? Me: *slides tampons across counter* Cashier: Nevermind...