@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.
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@WilliamRodgers: Me: Happy Easter! Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It's all a lie! Me: The Jesus thing? Taylor Swift: Ya... Men don't come back after 3 Days!
@Adar79Angie: I'd make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they'll work themselves out.
@IamEnidColeslaw: a co-worker asked me if I was pregnant and I panicked and said yes so now I have to gradually gain like 30 pounds
@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.