@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.
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@WheelTod: [Home Depot] Me: Hi, I'd like to return this toilet plunger, please. Cashier: I'm sorry, is it defective? Me: No. It worked great
@Freudianscript: Someone told me to settle down, & I wasn't sure if they meant for me to calm down, or buy a house & start a family.
@onelongbender: My internet boyfriend doesn't know about my real life boyfriend, which makes two of them.
@WilliamAder: Usually takes me two or three tries to correctly aim the remote at the TV, if anyone was thinking of challenging me to a duel.