@meganyyb: Hey couples on Facebook that share an account, so which one of you got caught having an affair?
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@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@TheDailySchmuck: They say all of this started because Eve ate an apple. Clearly, the book was altered. Everyone knows it had to be chocolate.
@TheScamJoanne: *two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*
@abbycohenwl: Watch me get this baby up to 90 miles per hour! - inventor of the baby catapult minutes before he was arrested