@briangaar: Hey, did you ever get that job you talked about for weeks then abruptly stopped mentioning?
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@KeetPotato: [schmoozing at fancy dinner] me: im a private investigator wife: you're allowed to say gynaecologist, keith me: people are eating, linda
@THEDUTHCHESS: A poster with a mugshot saying "Have you seen this man" So I rang up and said No. You have to do your bit for society .
@murrman5: "the immaturity and the copying are my main issues" I say in a whiny voice as my wife storms out of the counsellors office
@gojarbe: me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too