@Storminika: Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can't do is pick up it's own poop. You're just a poop collector.
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@iamburtjarvis: "911, what's the emergency?" we were robbed. they stole the wireless router "calm down" also they shot my grandma or something. not sure
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all
@david8hughes: [baby sitting] "Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs." "..." "So how many legs did he have?"