@N0pantz: Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
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@TitaniumToplass: Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do
@AndyAsAdjective: Saw a guy riding a unicycle today. Actually, he was riding a bicycle but I didn't see him & I hit him with my car. Then boom! Unicycle.
@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
@DavidAndRobShow: Bae: come over. Me: I'm doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I'm doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it.