@JB1971_: Everyone at my funeral gets a baseball bat, the last one standing gets all my stuff.

@bornmiserable: "This race is over," said Donald Trump, referring to the entire human race if he is elected president.

@shutupmikeginn: Mentally fistfighting everyone I pass on sidewalk (watched action movie earlier) my record is 33-10 but to be fair I walked by a school.

@omgthatspunny: It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.

@ihuffpaint: what do you mean I never take you anywhere we just took a 365 day trip around the sun