@AlexvanBeek: Hey, Facebook. Dead people can't read your RIP shoutouts, because death.
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@SirEviscerate: OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."
@ch000ch: *puts crime-scene photos in a rocket* Ok stand back "Detective, what are u doing?" What does it look like, I'm launching this investigation