@tsm560: Hey girl, are you bacteria? Because I know I need you but I have no idea why.
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@prettysadmostly: i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes date: what about me? Hawaiian themed bathroom fire
@Discourt: Things I’ve learned as a mom: Kiss boo boo’s. Say I love you a lot. Snuggle when they ask. Do laundry daily. Hide the good snacks.
@1_swarthy_dude: Home Depot law decrees that if two dads are pushing carts down the same isle, the dad with the greater mustache has the right of way.
@Midgetspar: Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of aviators.