@internetluke: Hey girl are you soy sauce because you always "no MSG" me back
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@botandy: You come home early and catch the cat eating with a knife and fork at the table. You stare at each other unsure of the next move.
@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.
@Spaced_Cowboy00: Women remember something that happened five years ago. I can't remember why I stood up.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Ian is coming over." Me: "Ian from work or Ian who is good at disguises?" Wife: "Ian- *pulls off mask* -who is good at disguises!"