@internetluke: Hey girl are you soy sauce because you always "no MSG" me back
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@alli_win: I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
@benerdist: A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
@WheelTod: Hate it when you're getting rad footage of an accident scene to put on Facebook & some loser says "Hey, aren't you the paramedic we called?"
@BuckyIsotope: Brought a ninja to a gunfight and it was really cool. Everyone clapped. Then they shot him.