@thatUPSdude: Hey girl are you the IRS, because you're all up in my business.
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@SirEviscerate: OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail
@KentWGraham: Things that don’t exist: 1. Fairies 2. Elves 3. Gnomes 4. Trolls 5. Whatever item my wife sends me to the grocery store to get
@TheBoydP: Protip: If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.
@kelkulus: We'd have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He'd look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy.