@thatUPSdude: Hey girl are you the IRS, because you're all up in my business.
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@PopSlapFunk: *Arrives to save damsel in distress* Me: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your--" Rapunzel: "I have a boyfriend." Dragon flying by: "BURN!!"
@TheGoodGodAbove: I heard that #TheDress debate has already destroyed 18 relationships. These people probably shouldn't be breeding anyway.
@bornmiserable: blood is thicker than water, which is my secret to winning the annual county fair gravy contest every year
@MrSpoonicorn: *Gandalf rollerblades into the club* "YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* "SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE