@sageboggs: Hey girl, did it hurt? Did it hurt when you had to use your fingernails to rip through the dense layers of sediment on your way up from Hell
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@5hael: My ceiling fan has three setting: - very slow - slow - I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
@TheRolo: Haters gonna hate Alligators gonna alligate Waiters gonna wait Jet Fuel can't melt steel beams Potatoes gonna potate
@10InchesPlus: Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost.
@Chel__CLE: When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy.