@sageboggs: Hey girl, did it hurt? Did it hurt when you had to use your fingernails to rip through the dense layers of sediment on your way up from Hell
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@pbear79: Therapist: What's the most meaningful connection you've made in your life? Me: You mean...other than wifi?
@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
@ericsshadow: [phone rings in 1984] "Eric get the phone" Hello? "Tell em I'm not home." She's not home. "Ask who it is." My mom wants to know who this is.
@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering: