@TomE83_: Hey girl, Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
@KeetPotato: *gives gf a small gift wrapped box*
"aww what's this, youre so sweet"
"wait, is this my toothbrush?"
YOU DONT LIVE HERE KAREN
@markydoodoo: *gets tax refund* *calls zoo*
Hello, how much to rent an otter for the day? Please say less than $47. Hello?
@caithuls: [meeting a friend's new baby]
cool so do you have any non human pets?
@PersianRose1: Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes:
@rachelle_mandik: Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.