@chrisdelia: Hey girls, you are not a "mommy" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon.
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@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
@HatfieldAnne: Words I thought I would never have to yell from the kitchen into the living room: "DON'T GIVE THE CAT SCOTCH!"
@markleggett: At some point, male "pick-up artists" are just going to start chasing women around like Benny Hill.