@1BigMick: Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you.
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@Kim_pulsive: I had sex twice in 24hours and I'm so glad that I have 4000 people to brag about it to
@GoldenSpirals: Hit a squirrel with my car on the way home from the grocery store. If I knew that was going to happen, I wouldn't have bought all this meat.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'impossible' "Oh, well I guess no point in trying" *walks off stage*
@ImaFlyontheWall: Drunk me used to set a "Mystery Alarm" on my phone to pop up and confuse daytime sober me