@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
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@ElleOhHell: BUNNIES: I love hopping! SNAKE WITH BUNNY EARS ON A POGO STICK: Haha yes, but shouldn't we get home and check on our delicious babies?
@ddsmidt: Throw me to the wolves and they'll come back with cute names, little sweaters & an affinity for baby talk.
@relatabledad: coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes
@iwearaonesie: "This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu" -me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down