@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
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@myonlymizztake: Just finished leg day with my new trainer and now I need to replace the stairs in my house with an elevator. Or shower in the kitchen sink?
@murrman5: [looks up from laptop while updating résumé] son, you're good with computers "I'm alright" how do I find pictures of mean looking dinosaurs?
@69underachiever: I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants.