@jwoodham: "Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight.
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@KentWGraham: I don’t want to say my wife and I are lazy, but we finally folded laundry yesterday and half the clothes don’t fit us anymore.
@The_MartiniGirl: I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez.
@TheAlexP: Rapunzel is my favorite story about a girl who would do anything to have her hair pulled.