@romiza_: *Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*

@StarksWeek: "I put on pants for nothing" - my 10 yo after she got dressed and her soccer game was cancelled. Someone set up her Twitter account.

@wickedsuga: Boy giraffe: You wanna? Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first. Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!

@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I love autumn, it's my favorite season ME: [trying to impress] Yes, I love the way the leaves just... autumn off the trees

@Kernsti: I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first