@missekay: Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.
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@DothTheDoth: No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.
@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
@joeljeffrey: Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol