@missekay: Hey guys, remember when you could still refer to your knees as right and left instead of good and bad? Good times.
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@DaddyJew: Dentist: have you been flossing? [ flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip earlier ] Me: yes
@huntigula: [Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"
@BrandandCo: I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with