@panmidwest: ME: you really put the cute in executione- WARDEN: alright hit the switch

@ehdannyboy: Before pulled pork, pork just used to stand on the edge of the dance-floor, nodding to the music and looking cool.

@AristotlesNZ: Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

@BlackCatBettie: My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.

@Wussawilla: Coworker: My husband's an angel. Me: You're lucky.. mine's still alive.