@JennyJohnsonHi5: Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
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@discoken: I wrote "Clarence sale" instead of "clearance sale" and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.
@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.
@jus4golf: Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite.
@Sickayduh: I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.