@UncleDuke1969: "Let's call it a day." I don't know what else you'd call it. Calling it a turtle would just sound stupid. "Lets call it a turtle." See?

@mortimermaiden: Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Funeral attendees: Me (whispering): Grandma back.

@SkinnerSteven: Venus and Serena are famous for being Tennis-y Williams

@dulcetry: [Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS

@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]