@ndiquote: My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.
@JohnHilsen: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
@flashember: You've reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message.
"Hi it's the library. The book 'How to Steal Library Books' is now 1 week over...UH OH"
@djdarrellripley: Me: HOLY SHIT! We've been robbed!
Her: Oh No! Are you calling the police?
Me: (Sigh) No, I'm calling the burglars to congratulate them..
@PRIDEofLOWELL: "I lost my Khakis"
- a guy from Boston who lost his car keys.
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