@StymieBrewer: Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours.
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@philco816: Kids we are running late let's go! *Kids I'm going to count every stair on the way down with out my shoes on.*
@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@Steelers1972: A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
@_tomcrowley: it's been 12 years since Shrek came out, I still can't get over the fact that Donkey had sex with a dragon..