@StymieBrewer: Hey, hey...calm down please. Stop crying. I think all babies are ugly, not just yours.
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@RobElliottComic: Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain
@MarioInAZ: Had this weird dream last night that I was Superman, but I was only able to fly really low to the ground because I'm chubby.
@DepecheALAmode: Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!
@Malocallidus: I see dead people. Well actually they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes