@audipenny: Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though
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@platinum2000: [Confessional Booth] Me: I can't do anything right. Priest: Please get off of my lap.
@ThingsGoinOn: "Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don't have kids
@ShutUpThatsWho: Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out.