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@ohwrigley: Mommy? Does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.
@Brianhopecomedy: I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch.
@Donna_McCoy: If your family goes to church on Christmas morning, be grateful. This may be your only chance to lock them out of the house.
@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.