@AristotlesNZ: Hey! I took my diaper off, see? Oh! Look! I found your power drill! Gonna go see if it fits an outlet.. Bye! -My 2yo when I'm on the toilet
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@rockymomax: BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the ME: no JUDGE: [flipping through law handbook] what do we do if he says no?
@petemandik: I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.
@ehdannyboy: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *strips naked and does running man* Wife - "...."
@mynameisntdave: LOCAL BOTS ARE SICK AND TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE HOT LOCAL SINGLES AND WANT YOU TO ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE; LINES OF CODE AND NOTHING MORE