@AristotlesNZ: Hey! I took my diaper off, see? Oh! Look! I found your power drill! Gonna go see if it fits an outlet.. Bye! -My 2yo when I'm on the toilet
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@pleatedjeans: I'll never forget my 8th grade teacher. She was a 12-foot snake monster. Had 4 heads. Ate 7 desks. Killed a kid. Really made an impression.
@TySmithdrums: Me: "Can I see the baby?" Sister: "Yes, but only if she's awake." Me, through a megaphone: "NOT A PROBLEM."
@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected