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@slimmy_shady: Hey I worked for it too!
@Douchekevin: Some of the nicest women you'll meet on Twitter are men.
@dorkwing_duck: Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd
Potato Head: I want to look good on my date
@TheSharona06: Instead of smiling and nodding through a conversation, try clapping and nodding. People will stop talking to you.
@818Newbie: I'm as nervous as a United Airlines standby passenger.
@MatCro: [first day as a midwife]
ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head!
NURSE: You're at the wrong end.