@slimmy_shady: Hey I worked for it too!
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@Pro_Jones_: Dad Dinosaur: Look son a shooting star make a wish! Angsty Teen Dinosaur: I wish it would hit us and kill us all.
@tarashoe: when i'm stressed i close my eyes and imagine i'm on a beach, neurotically pacing back & forth within a very small section of that beach
@mrkoodge: *at an AA meeting* "Hi, I'm Andy and I have a drinking problem. I have 2 hands and only 1 mouth. Lol." *gets aggressively escorted out*
@ilovepie84: I bought some Velcro shoes so that nobody can make fun of my velcro wallet anymore because now they will match