@nachosarah: hey joggers instead of those dumb little shorts you should wear batman costumes so I can feel like my neighborhood is protected
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@GianDoh: Bartender: What'll It be? Stephen King: A novel at first, then a tv miniseries, then a movie.
@ch000ch: need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it
@shanethevein: If you go into a bar by yourself and ask for a water the bartender looks at you like you have leprosy.
@xofreckles: Lesson learned: toddlers don't understand sarcasm. As a side note, don't say 'bite me' around toddlers that don't understand sarcasm