@nachosarah: hey joggers instead of those dumb little shorts you should wear batman costumes so I can feel like my neighborhood is protected
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@shahrouzt: The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
@hippieswordfish: robber 1: *puts ski mask on head* you grab the money while i kiss all the bankers robber 2: huh? robber 1: uh i meant kill *hides lipstick*
@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant
@IamEnidColeslaw: Remember when that really cute guy held the door for you at the book store? He doesn't.