@MedikalMiracle: "Hey, long time. Wassup?" should be auto-corrected to "Dude. Can you do me a favor?"
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@amishschool: Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
@NATxHAN: Had a 6" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry.
@PaperWash: I noticed you're eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time. So how many people have you murdered?