@rolldiggity: "Hey, man, just called to see when you're going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
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@pleatedjeans: I should've never taught my parrot to say the alphabet backwards now he drives drunk all the time the cops can't do shit it's a real problem
@POTerritory: Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.
@Sickayduh: "We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you're gonna be the one to do it" "I...uhhh... Wha?" "Nailed it. Next state."
@KeithAshers: Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics...you know, just like a real spider.