@bea_ker: Hey man, settle an argument for me?
[handing him a sword] Great, he's just in there
@ericsshadow: My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.
@ericsshadow: I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed.
@SteveDutzy: I don't mind when a waitress says, "Is Pepsi fine?" when I ask for some coke.
But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying
@michaelianblack: The phrase "Whatever floats your boat" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water.
@Sveldtsmelt: Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.