@NinjaSweatpants: Getting asked 'you want a fork' by a hot Chinese waitress is misleading as fork to my american ears

@trojansauce: *wears one gryffindor and one slytherin sock to work to represent the internal human struggle between good and evil*

@murrman5: [to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? "ugh I can't wait to go home" know who else wanted to go home

@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.

@noogscorner: Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn't an idiot. Maybe he's generous. And an idiot.