@JuliaEveHays: Hey, Morgan Freeman. Donating $1M to Obama's campaign isn't going to make him get older faster so you can play him in the movie.
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@hazelmotes1: Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry
@FilthyRichmond: Pregnant women go through a "nesting" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed.
@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen