@WilliamAder: Hey, NSA, if you're going to read them, would it kill you to star them?
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@MartaEffing: [first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*
@mlkef: Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I'll be a hero.
@Blonde4Dayz: The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Microsoft Outlook developer meeting] "we need to tell users when their inbox is full" how do we do that? "we send them another email" nice