@WilliamAder: Hey, NSA, if you're going to read them, would it kill you to star them?
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@papasuncle: ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.
@EndhooS: [storming out of the bedroom in a novelty banana costume] YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID THINGS WERE GETTING TOO PREDICTABLE KAREN...